Just when you thought it was over…More Deep Thoughts…

- If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
- Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
- Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

TICK WARNING!

I hate it when people put out bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally but this one is real, and it’s important.

Please send this warning to everyone that you know!

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- When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
- When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
- Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
- Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

I  Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably  relate to this father).

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.

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There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question “how much is 2+2?”

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1. You know the state flower (Mildew).

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash..

3. Use the statement ‘ sun break ‘ and know what it means.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

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Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. This morning I woke up and one of my pillows was gone.

You’re American when you’re going into the bathroom and you’re American coming out of the bathroom so what are you when you are in the bathroom?

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A man went hiking one day and along the trail he came upon this old looking man who seemed to be holding his own just fine. After about 15 minutes of walking together they stop for a water break and the man curious about the ability of this old man to take rigorous walks like the one they were on asked, “What’s your secret to being able to do things like this?” The older looking man replied, “Well I drink 3 beers a day and smoke 3 packs a day which gives me the energy to do this kind of thing.” Surprised the other man replied, “Wow, I’ve never heard of someone who can do that and be as active as you. How old are you?”

“37.”