SIAP a Confession Joke for all you for S**s O’ B***es

One day a girl went to church to make a confession

GIRL: Forgive me father for I have sinned

PRIEST: What have you done my child

GIRL: I called a man a son of a bitch

PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a bitch

GIRL: Caused he touched my hand

PRIEST: Like this, (as he touches her hand)

GIRL:Yes father.

PRIEST: That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch

GIRL: Then he touched my breast.

PRIEST: Like this, (as he touched her breast)

GIRL: Yes father

PRIEST: That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch

GIRL: Then he took off my clothes father

PRIEST: Like this, (as he takes off her clothes)

GIRL: Yes father

PRIEST: That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch

GIRL: Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where

PRIEST: Like this, (as he stuck his you know what into her you know here)

GIRL: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER

PRIEST: (after a few minutes) that’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch

GIRL: But father he had AIDS

PRIEST: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

submitted by iamjerky
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A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby…

..He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground and rolled around in pain. She rushed to him and offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.

Reluctantly he agreed.

She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants and put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes and asked: “How does it feel?” He replied: “Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken”.

submitted by drbatookhan
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Ask Jeeves

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay with the others since several of his important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled. “Jerves,” she said, “take off my dress.” He did this carefully. “Jerves,” she continued, “take off my stockings and garter.” He silently obeyed her. “Jerves,” she then said, “remove my bra and panties.” As he did this, the tension continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said, “Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you’re fired!”

submitted by scotty-doesnt-know
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A chicken walks into a library…

…and she walks up to the counter and says, “book, booook, book book.” So the librarian thinks briefly and comes back with Animal Farm. The hen wanders off with the book.

Next day the hen is back, it has the book with it, the librarian returns the book and the hen goes, “book, boooook, book, book book.” The librarian thinks what the hell and grabs it Of Mice and Men and the hen leaves.

Next day sure enough the hen is back, book in beak, “book book boooook.” Atlas Shrugged. “Book, booook.” Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. “Book book.”… you get the idea. This goes on for about a week until the librarian gets curious enough to follow the chicken and find out what’s happening.

So the next time the chicken comes in the Librarian books out one of Proust’s works to slow it down down and follows the hen trying not to be seen. All the way past the outskirts of town, down over Old Farmer Giles’ twisted stile. Through the Sweeping Woods and upto a pond, where the chicken shows the book to a frog, which replies.

“Reddit.”

submitted by SkipsH
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